Self-coaching

Oh hello there, yes you, my faithful and new readers. I’ve been away for a few months and I feel like an explanation is required, so here goes…

The last months have been packed with greatness. I am quite happy to say that I was too busy handling my business to write on my blog.

My life coaching course started in January. It is 6 hours a week course, 3hrs twice a week, 9 PM to Midnight. That was my first adjustment to make. Being in class this late could have been mentally and physically challenging for me. Surprisingly I did not struggle too much. I was too excited 95% of the time to feel tired. I love, love, love my course! It feels like everything I have been learning on my own via experiences, books and research were all coming together.

I have always loved listening to people but I wanted to find a way to use that skill purposefully. I want to help people dissect their challenges and find clarity. My class gave me the structure and resources I needed. I am ready and excited to see where this will take me!

During the past few months, I put some extra focus on my needs and my immediate responsibilities. I had no time for extra shit.. not at all. Meaning. I said no to everything I did not feel like doing. I said no to conversations, outings, text messages… Name it, I said no. I only did what I truly wanted to do. I trained my clients, took kiddo to his tutor, saw my best friends when I could, spoke to my close people on the phone, went on dates went to the gym. I could go on and on. I put my needs first without any type of guilt. I knew I needed to care for myself with a lot of self-awareness and proactiveness to successfully complete my goals, so I did. I could not afford anything else.

Self-care kept me centred and at peace. Everything I did, I chose to do. The fun stuff and the less fun things included. Whatever I did I made sure it was always aligned with me.

Anyway, I am happy. Talk to you all soon.

Listen from your heart.

Becoming a great listener requires you to hear other people’s perspectives without an attachment to your views. Your main concern should be to understand and hear what is said and what is unsaid.

You’ll need to learn to navigate your conversations properly. Sometimes you’ll have an opening to share a similar experience, this way the person knows they are not alone. Other times, dare I say, most of the times, its best to simply connect with empathy and active listening. Use your past pain to connect and welcome their vulnerability without overshadowing the moment with your own words.

There’s are layers to this. This is just a reminder that a lot of times we think we are listening, but we are just waiting to express our thoughts.

Pause. Empty your mind. Just connect and genuinely attempt to learn more about somebody else. Do it without an agenda, do it because it’s a great gift to anyone.

Everyone yearns to be heard.

I’m a mess. pt. 3

I live a life I can write about

I have moments when I do a million things, I have moments when I barely get out of bed. I don’t feel bad about being highly unproductive anymore, I’ve learned that I move that way. I have different seasons.

The next 6 months are about to be extra busy for me, my mind and body knows.

I wanted to share that this idea that we have to grind until we die is NOT applicable to everyone.

It’s okay to respect your energy. Arrange your life to fit your personality. I have multiple ways to stay accountable and it helps me. Do you. You’re not everybody, you’re you.

You don’t need fixing, you need self awareness. Learn about yourself and navigate your persona effectively.

Shit gets done regardless.

A beautiful mess. pt.2

I’m a mess

Passive and unproductive

Slow to change, slow to choose

I’m lethargic and artistically depressive

But when I look back, I moved 

I stepped out of myself and touched the clouds

 

I’ve had many conversations in my life, people opening up to me is always interesting. The way people think and feel is never the same but always connected. Regardless of my vision of life, I can always find a common ground of understanding. Empathy is a trait we should all strive to acquire.

Pain needs to be shared and voiced, joy as well and everything in between. One thing I think is also important is self-reflection, what are we usually sharing when we open up to people. What do you speak of the most?

I told a friend of mine that she speaks of her struggles and pain more than anything in her life. Even things that happened 20 years ago. Why is that? Why do we do this?

I had a toxic friendship that ended years ago, and regardless of me forgiving the person I do find myself bringing up the drama when this person’s name comes up, does this mean I did not forgive her? Am I holding on to the victimhood connected to that relationship? Questions.. Questions…

January 1st is such a big deal, new goals, new chances, new me, all that good stuff. I will say this, my goals have been the same for many years now, I am getting closer to them and backtracked on many of them. My highest concern is accepting who I am and forgiving myself fully. I made some choices when there were a million red flags telling me the obvious. I allowed some people in my energy that did not deserve my light. I wrong some people and did not ask them to forgive me but my actions were impacted in the future. I do strive to be a better me, I promise this to myself every day.

Again I ask when you look at your conversations,  the moments when you feel you’re in a safe place. What do you speak of the most? When you’re talking to yourself…what do you say?

Update on my book:  My book is technically done, but I have to re-read it and add or remove chapters if needed. I am getting stressed because it’s so very personal. Part of me feels I will disappoint some people, that I will be judged and even hated. But I am convinced that it’s okay to bare it all, someone will read it, connect and maybe feel free to forgive parts of their lives they felt ashamed of.

I divorced my fears and embraced love

I live a life I can write about

And I am proud of it without a doubt

 

 

 

Birthdays

I turned 36 a few days ago, I love my birthday! I set reminders for everyone everywhere! From Facebook, to Instagram, to my Whatsapp stories! I even send direct messages to some of my friends.

Right now, I am the oldest and youngest I will ever be… That is incredible to me.

As per usual I spent my birthday in bed most of the day! Then later that evening I had cake my bestie and her family. I just happen to also share my birthday with my best friend’s father. Isn’t that even more special?

My birthday is close to the end of the year so it’s only fair to reflect. Time felt like it was going by slowly during the past couple of months. I was working off and on, I was writing off and on, I was broke on and on. But I was still moving forward. I went over the few things I did and it amazed me.  I quit a great job to pursue my dreams. I wrote a whole book, I have 9 chapters down, might add a few more.  I registered to school to become a life coach, I went to Vegas, I moved back to my parents, I gained 13 lbs and probably will round that up to 15 by January. I did a lot of stuff…

I was in limbo for years trying to achieve some of these things and for whatever reason, everything was launched in 2018. I don’t know how I became bold enough to do things for myself but I am.

I am finishing the year feeling pretty proud. Within all my numerous failures somethings actually turned out to be everything I needed to get to the next step.

For 2019, the plan is the same, save myself and the show the world how I did it.

Poems explained #3

Poems explained #3

Please note that there is no right or wrong way to interpret poetry or art in my opinion. Whatever thoughts or feelings that come up when you read it are valid and correct. I encourage you to take a moment to get acquainted with those emotions. This exercise will give you some insight on your state of mind and heart.

Poems:

Doll face perfect

Body full of scars

Doll face now wrinkled

And a heart that went through war

Author’s perspective:

Doll face perfect : a reference to ones youth

Body full of scars: physical trauma due to physical, mental and/or sexual abuse.

Doll face now wrinkled: a reference to aging but not necessarily being a senior, aging as in maturing and growing out or being forced out of our innocence/youth

Heart that went through war: reference to wounds and scars that are invisible to the world.

Poems explained #2

Poems explained #2

Please note that there is no right or wrong way to interpret poetry or art in my opinion. Whatever thoughts or feelings that come up when you read it are valid, and it’s your truth. I encourage you to take a moment and reconcile with those emotions, it will give you insights on your state of mind and heart.

Poem:

They were a little too pure to hear me speak my thoughts out loud

Secretly I fantasize about disrobing mentally, letting my mind flow as if I was just talking to me.

An introvert’s dream coming to reality.

Finding compatible souls that see through the ”I’m okay, don’t worry.”

Author’s perspective:

I find it easier to listen to people than to share my thoughts and feelings. My mind is vast, some of my thoughts and experiences are surprising to some. I only have a few people that I feel encouraged to open up with and be vulnerable. I’m highly sensitive and because I don’t share every heartache with people a lot of people assume I’m not, which is hurtful sometimes but completely understandable.

This poem is a glimpse of what I feel a healthy romantic relationship looks like. Finding a compatible soul that sees through the subtleties of my composed vibe. I also made sure I added the word ”compatible” because I do not crave opening up to just anyone. The desire to do so comes when I encounter the right souls.

Single no mingle

The beautiful thing about being single is… time.

I have time to focus on my personal growth and elevation. I have time to get to know myself. I have time to put towards achieving my personal goals selfishly.

I’m not saying that having a partner stops you from doing this, not at all, but you do have to share your time and energy. You’ll have prioritized your relationship as well, which I will gladly do for the right person.

I truly believe the more you evolve, the better you attract. I’m not interested in settling, not even a bit. I’m convinced that I’ll meet him while walking in my purpose. And I want to be the best version of myself when I do.

Meanwhile let me get my credit score up, finally learn how to swim, finish writing this book, create multiple streams of income, learn the choreography in Ciara’s Promise video and Beyoncé’s “Dance for you” video (future hubby will love it)

PS: You don’t have to be perfect to fall in love, soulmates find each other when they find each other. We’re on the universe’s schedule, not ours.

Poem explained “Ghost from the past”

The first thing to know is that I am sharing my perspective on my poems because it shows you how I think, I want people to know there is no right or wrong way to interpret poetry. Whatever feeling or thoughts that come up when you read poems or look at art is right. It will reveal something about your own state of mind.

“If ghosts from the past can still reach you, that’s a sign that you have work to do”

This was inspired by my “exes”, old relationships, old friendships, old jobs. You will come across ex-lovers in your lifetime, sometimes its intentional from your side or theirs, sometimes its innocent or there are no ulterior motives. I have to specify that I am referring to relationships that were toxic or simply did not work out for the right reasons (incompatibility, lack of interest and/or commitment issues). It’s important to check inwards and pay attention to our reaction when we come across old flames. If an ex attempts to contact me, my reaction will let me know if I still have to work towards my healing. Am I still struggling with old feelings? Am I still confused or have unanswered questions?

I should be neutral and unphased. Anything else shows that I have not come to terms with something and I have work to do.

Same logic for old friendships that dissolved for valid reasons. I shouldn’t be conflicted about declining your invitation to “catch up” or interested in a back and forth text tread where we awkwardly try to hold on to the good old days. If I am still struggling to say no, I need to reflect and grow out any attachment to this relationship.

As for job, if my skills, experience, and credentials still fit my resume from 10 yrs ago… I have work to do. I believe in growth in all areas of my life.

“Ghosts” from the past are anything or anyone attached to your past that should not be in your present.

Midnight stroll

Revisiting blogs

(Midnight stroll wrote May 2015)

I have vampire tendencies. No, I am not a fan of sucking the blood out of people’s necks nor do I want to fight werewolves, I love the night. It’s when my mind peaks. Lights are out or dimmed. Most people are sleeping or laying in bed, overall the atmosphere is quiet and calm.

I get to drown in my thoughts and feelings, and I get to go over my day and visualize the alternatives of my choices, I get to spoil myself with silence.

I’ve been this way my whole life when I was a younger I remember getting out of bed and walking to the living room to just lay down on the floor and look at the stars through the curtains. Or I would stand on my bed and poke my head out the window during summer nights and just take long breaths of life. The stars spoke to me. They shine and sparkle in silence, they are soothing.

I use to work in a restaurant as a manager, back then I didn’t have a car, I was a 18yrs girl that loved her job and would work extra hours for free almost every other shift. The walk back to the bus stop had two different paths, one included cutting through an empty outside parking lot, it saved me 4 minutes, the other one was two well illuminated straight streets, opened to the crowds. I worked downtown, a lot of different activities and people, parties, schools, restaurants, homeless men and women, businesses and whatever else all crammed up together. Sometimes I would finish and go for the last bus, I’d walk to catch the last one around 12h45 am. If it was too close to 1am I’d have to use my shortcut through the empty, dark parking lot. It didn’t bother me, I wasn’t even a bit worried. All I thought was “if something happens I’ll deal with it” I was aware that something could happen, but I was also aware that most likely nothing would and if harm came my way, that’s just life. I’m allowed to walk home during the night. I’ll deal with whatever happens if it happens.

About a year later, my boyfriend and I got pregnant. My belly started to show around 4 months. One night, like usual I decided to walk to the bus stop. It was late, around midnight. I was about to walk through the parking lot, but I stopped. I took the long way to the bus stop. I walked pretty slow, got to the bus stop and waited for the next bus. Suddenly, my life wasn’t just about me anymore. I gave up the night strolls in one second, my body followed, I gave it up for him. My son was born and everything I gave up was absolutely nothing compared to what he brought me on August 15th. I gave him life and he gave meaning to mine.